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Why Does My Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend Ignore Me?
Submitted by xpertchick
You break up with your boyfriend, girlfriend or fiance and its over right? Generally speaking it is, but the history you had and emotions you share are often very hard to put behind you regardless of the circumstances of the breakup.
Some people remain friends which makes you wonder how in the world do they pull it off without their past getting in the way. Some people are very good at building plutonic ,friendships post relationship breakup, while others want absolutely nothing to do with their ex. For those who are stuck in the circle of past emotions and memories of a failed relationship, how do you get around your ex ignoring you on occasions you're around each by coincidence or you strategically plan it that way?
Have you asked yourself why you still want to stay in touch or remain friends with your ex? In many cases if you were the dumper you might suffer from a guilty conscience and feel obligated to reach out to your ex every now and then to see how they're doing. If you are the person who got dumped, you have many unresolved questions and need some sense of closure. Your attempts to contact or stay in touch with your ex are a sign that you most likely want to remain friends of some kind. Most experts will however tell you that remaining friends with your ex in hopes of winning them back is a very bad idea. By keeping them around you actually increase your chances of never getting back together. Telling them you'll always be there for them and will always love them is even worst, because you've given them the green light to see and date whoever they want knowing that they can string you along for as long as they please. By the time they've dated numerous people, they will have figured out what they really want in a relationship and who they are really compatible with. So its in your best interest to ignore your ex boyfriend or girlfriend for an extended period of time if you are trying to get them back.
At this point you are no longer even on the radar as a possible relationship candidate, you are officially their past and only a good friend. So if your ex ignores you in that aspect, it is actually a blessing in disguise for you, and a sign you should move on. Another situation that arise if your ex ignores you but you refuse to be ignored, is people getting the misconception that you really are trying to get them back.
Thats not always true though, certain people just keep their ex as friends because they really were good people, but you were just not that compatible in a relationship. Because the relationship went sour on a romantic level, it doesn't mean that it won't work on a plutonic level with no alternative motives of getting back with your ex.
Maybe you are trying to keep things positive with your ex but he or she isn't cooperating and ignoring you. There could be several reasons for this. If you have just broken up, there could still be feelings of anger or sadness going on and your ex isn't ready to communicate.
If you've been broken up for awhile, your ex may not want to bring up anything from the past and that includes you. This doesn't mean that talking again isn't impossible but it will take some work. Regardless of the current circumstance, don't saturate your ex boyfriend or girlfriend phone calls, voice messages, or text messages. Stay in touch infrequently. Leave one pleasant voiucemail and don't reveal any signs of frustration in your voice.
Be careful of texting though, it's very convenient, but can easily become addictive. Text maybe once or twice a week and no more, and don't let your text seem like an emergency. Your ex is your ex, not your personal rescue or 911 contact. If you do this they'll become extremely annoyed with you, and possibly cut you off altogether.
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Comments
well there's plenty of it here. Seems like everybody has a problem with an Ex. Enough people post here to write a crazy TV love drama. I just sit back and enjoy the show.
Sounds to me like you and your girlfriend(ex girlfriend now) got ambushed by the anaconda across town, well at least you got ambushed, she saw it coming cause she was a willing participant. This had probably been in the works for a while bro. She honestly could have been more straight up about it and just tell you she wasn't feeling you anymore instead of blind siding you. Girls can be grimy too in a relationship, I know I've done my share of it and I can't say I'm proud of it. good luck man feel better.
Dude I'm sure you've heard this before. Its the bad boy stage that many girls go through. They would rather the fun, excitement, and challenge of a bad boy than stay in the more stable but often less challenging, low risk, and predictable relationship with a nice guy. That phase doesn't last very long though, eventually they come around after seeing how bad the guy is for them, and how harsh and selfish he can be when it comes to their emotional needs. Don't take it personal. But the good news is, not all girls fall into the popular bad boy trap, some would rather stick it out with a nice guy, but one that still has an edge to him, such as popularity, athletics, or something that makes him stand apart from the crowd of regular guys.
If all attempts to ignore him fail and he won't leave you alone, scare him with notice that a restraining order is in the works. Some Ex boyfriends just don't know when to quit harassing their old girlfriends.
Tell it like it is girl. Don't hang around any guy or ex-boyfriend thats gonna pull you down. Stick with the guy who wants to be a baller or moneymaker one day. No bums allowed
Hi LuckyLea, first let me say, I'm sorry that you're going through this emotional pain over this breakup. Five years is a long time to be together with someone in a relationship. You mentioned that you've left him many times before in the relationship, which tells me that you must have previously had the most say in deciding whether the relationship with him survived or not.
I don't know other specifics of your relationship but at some point the person being dumped repeatedly will get tired of the constant breakups and want to explore possibilities in other relationships because they might not be sure whether the relationship with you is stable. After five years dating two people will have a lot of history and memories together, so probably most likely still cares about you, but might not still be in love with you.
If don't doubt that you truly love him, but if you want him back you will have to give him some space to do things on his own in regards to dating. The fact that he's broken up with this new girl a few times in only two months signals that his current relationship doesn't have a stable ground yet, and yes she could possibly be a rebound. Also after people leave a long term relationship, they generally want to date a few other people to see who they're most compatible with. And sometimes they do come back to their Ex from the previous long term relationship. So though you're hurting right now, you must give him room to date. Do not try to contact him frequently by texts, voicemail, social networking, or emails. That will only drive him further away from you. Leave one short and sincere message (Keyword short). Avoid telling him things such as you will always care about him or how much you miss him. He'll see those as signs that you desperately want him back and can prolong the breakup for as long as he wants. Do not get upset that he ignores your attempts to contact him, that's very common from most people who initiate the breakup. In the meantime try to stay busy with activities and it's very important to have your friends right now for a strong support system. If your ex-boyfriend decides to come back to you he will. People in previously long term relationships generally miss each other very much, but only if they have lots of great memories of one another. Good luck and stay positive
He could be trying to establish a connection possibly to keep you around as a booty call if you're gullible enough to fall for that.
Or he might actually be thinking about getting back with you. Now the second reason is hardly ever the case. Guys especially younger ones love to explore and play the field after they're broken up with a girl. So don't think too deep into the situation when your ex tries to stay in touch.
Quoting hotstepSelena:
Selena here's my advice on this. In my opinion, you should step back and relax a little and consider this. If a guy really likes you, though you're not a couple, after a while he will give certain signs that he wants to be with you and spend more time.
Over-texting and leaving voice messages is a bad idea, that only shows how clingy you are and will drive him away even quicker. From your description of whats going on, or not happening to your liking, I think you should seriously consider moving on.
DO NOT rely on someone else to fill an empty space. If you feel alone, it's a symptom of certain other issues that you have to deal with such as low self-esteem and low self-worth. This article explains your situation quite well.
I hope it helps. Good luck
When we're together I feel so really good. I think he likes me, but not really sure. He says so, too. He really makes me feel good and I like being around him despite the fact that I'm not 100% comfortable being 100% myself yet.
He sleeps over at my campus apartment from time to time, and he's super sweet very cuddly, and goofy. We laugh, we talk, we kiss and makeout.
This morning I had to get up and leave right away to get ready for my classes. "Call me after classes are over," he says.
I have a heavy course load So classes for me actually end pretty late at like 6pm. I text him asking whats good, but he didn't text back or anything. I try not to get all irritated with it, cause he's not really my man yet.
Come to find out, I login to facebook and he's all over it dropping messages on people's walls like all day, but he didn't have time to even respond back to my texts." All sorts of girls are commenting on his wall. I mean, I don't care if he doesn't want to hang. I just don't appreciate being ignored so coldly.
I'm really eager to find out what's going on. Should I text him again or leave a voice message? Or maybe I could just leave him a message on his wall too. I'm confused at this point.